Fun Daily and Weekly Marital Enrichment Habits

Have you ever listened to Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner lay out their formula for intimacy? It is actionable, research-based, and fun to implement! 

As Christian sex therapists who have been helping couples for decades, you know you can trust the Penner’s input! During their episode, Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, they disclose their formula for intimacy.

After you listen give the formula a try, even just one night this week instead of choosing Netflix, and see how much more satisfied you will feel with the return on your investment!

My husband, Mark, and I met when I was in graduate school to become a marriage and family therapist. He patiently listened to all the exciting things my professors were sharing and we have implemented countless tips from mentors over the years.  

We both find relationships to be one the most fulfilling, satisfying, and enriching parts of life, especially our marital relationship. I bet the same thing is true for you too!

I want to share some of the most rewarding habits we have been implementing for over a decade. 

If you enjoy proactively growing in your marriage, or if you are wanting a little refresh in your marriage, I hope you will apply some of these ideas!

Daily communication keeps us connected, current, and can have the power to diffuse conflict. 

A fun way to ensure communication is to go on a daily walk with your spouse. Emily Thomas mentions this and other tips on The Savvy Sauce in Cultivate What Matters and Patreon exclusive: Purposeful and Practical.

Whereas getting out just the two of you is ideal, there may be some seasons when this walk might also include pushing a full stroller or allowing your kids to buzz ahead of you on their bikes. 

If you are there right now, I want to encourage you: your effort toward intentionality in your marriage will ABSOLUTELY pay off . . . even if it’s not a completely uninterrupted conversation. Bonus: you are modeling good communication skills, wise priorities, and healthy living when you walk and talk with your spouse while kids are in your presence. 

Walks release our feel-good hormones (Rebekah Lyons reminded us of this and other benefits in Rhythms of Renewal) and sometimes men feel more at ease when they are shoulder-to-shoulder, rather than making direct eye contact.

For other helpful tips on gender differences, check out: Understanding Men and Women Better and Understanding and Delighting in Our Differences.

Counselor Kelly Gray relates this daily chat to the metaphor of caring for our house. She shares in Communication and Healthy Conflict Resolution how we remove trash from our homes frequently so it’s not a big deal and it doesn’t build up over time.

In the same way, we can care for our marriage by managing conflict regularly. Connecting through daily conversation helps us “take out the trash” before it starts to stink and cause more trouble!

If you’ve followed The Savvy Sauce for long, you know we can’t say enough positive things about date night! 

In our home, a filter for making decisions about work and extracurricular activities for our children is ensuring we can still incorporate a weekly date night! 

We have structured our weeks around this life-giving evening and the blessings overflow to all other days of the week!

Even when we were newly married and making an income of $10 per hour…it was a top priority for us. And you know the saying: Where there’s a will, there’s a way. 

I believe in this connection so deeply that I want you to give it a try for yourself and experience the joy that comes along as a result over time!!

It is so easy to come up with excuses for why a weekly date night will not work for you, but I genuinely believe you can make it happen, no matter the road blocks. And that making it happen will bless your marriage.  If you want to make this happen, this can absolutely become your reality!

Here’s a few tips to get you to think about it in a fresh way: 

Can you get creative with partial solutions or even intentional moments? 

Can you start small and just set the timer for 20 minutes one night a week to intentionally connect at home while you enjoy a meal or beverage or dessert together?

Can you swap childcare with friends or family?

Can you forego your coffee or avocado toast or bring your own lunch to work, and instead use that money to hire a sitter for at least one hour?

Can you put the kids to bed 15 minutes early and then light a candle and cook a meal together while you chat?

If you don’t set aside weekly time to connect, just the two of you, take some time to honestly ask yourself: 

What is the real reason you are resisting the effort to give this a try?

I don’t have to know your full story. I haven’t walked in your shoes. But I know one piece of truth that applies to every human on planet Earth who desires for this to become their reality . . . 

You can bring your specific request before the Lord! He always has the best solutions.

Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God.” (AMP)

That’s not cliche, that is just Truth. God created marriage and his design includes you and your spouse continuing to grow in intimacy. Of course He will help you towards that end if you ask. 

Another weekly habit we have found to be practically helpful is taking 20-30 minutes to plan the week together. 

We have tried this at different times of the day and on different days of the week, depending on what works best in our season. Currently, we do this on Saturday mornings before we go engage with our kids. 

My husband uses digital planners and I still love my paper and pen one. (For my recommendations, check out My Top Four Resources for Intentional Living!)

We begin by syncing up our calendars and briefly discussing our plans, logistics, and schedules for each day. 

We don’t list every task on our to-do list, but we cover anything that impacts the other person (appointments for the kids, work meeting times when we may not be available to be reached, items we need to bring for upcoming potluck, or time frames we have a sitter for social plans). 

This is also a great way to avoid conflict because we know how the other person is using their time and we can see how to best help one another accomplish the tasks in front of us each week.

It’s a very practical way to learn what may be on the other person’s mind and it gives insight to how we can pray for each other throughout the coming days.

This is enough to get you started, but there is still so much more to share!

Next time, I will tell you about monthly and yearly rhythms we have found to be beneficial. 

In the meantime, if you want to begin learning from marriage experts, here are some of my favorite podcast episodes on the topic of marriage:

50 Understanding Gender Differences in Marriage with Dr. Ted and Ang Bryant

85 5 Love Languages with Dr. Gary Chapman

111 Building Love Together in Blended Families

117 Romantic Love in Marriage with Dr. Willard Harvey

Patreon 16 Enjoy a Thriving Marriage with Dr. Matthew Turvey

For my favorite podcast episodes on the topic of sexual intimacy in marriage, check out this article. 

If I turned the tables and asked you right now, how would you answer these questions:

What part of your marriage is going well right now? Why do you think that is the case?

Which area in your marriage do you hope to grow next? What obstacle has distracted you from growth before in this area?

What is one actionable step you can take today to be one step closer to having the marriage you desire?

As I close this letter, I want you to know I am praying for you and your marriage right now!

Sincerely,

Laura