Did you have Scripture read at your wedding? Ours was 1 Corinthians 13 and Philippians 2. These remain some of my favorite chapters in the Bible. 

1 Corinthians 13 is often considered the Love Chapter and yet, one verse from this chapter is often overlooked when it applies to marriage. 

This verse came up in conversation recently. Mark and I were taking our girls on an 11 hour road trip to visit family. For the majority of the trip, we were interrupted approximately every 90 seconds with questions about snacks and arrival times, conflicts arising from siblings touching each other’s toys and belongings, or conversation invitations from our daughters sitting behind us in the van. Do your car rides look like this too?

However, there was one long stretch at the beginning when the kids were pleasantly occupied and interested in the novelty of the drive while Mark and I enjoyed extended conversation. We were processing through some revelations from our quiet time the past week. It was one of those conversations I knew would fuel me for days to come. You know the type? Great discoveries and stimulating thoughts . . . such a happy place!

For over a decade we have sensed God inviting us to encourage believers in their marriage. We are both passionate about this topic and eager to work and serve together. More recently, God began impressing upon us to not lose our sense of urgency and continue pursuing some form of marriage ministry, even if the timing seemed inconvenient for us. (One passage that especially encouraged us to begin was 2 Timothy 4:2). 

We were discussing how amazing it would be to know our own blindspots, but they are called blindspots because we cannot see them in ourselves. We rely on others to lovingly and gently reveal these to us, for everyone’s benefit.

We wondered aloud what are some of the most common blindspots we see in marriages in general (ours included)?

At that moment, this verse from 1 Corinthians 13:11 came to mind:

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (AMP)

This verse is not meant to point the finger at the man in our life. Any man, woman, or child who has put their faith in Jesus Christ is invited into a lifetime of growing in maturity, loving Him and loving others. (See Mark 12:30-31 and 2 Corinthians 3:18.) 

Childish is different from childlike.

Childlikeness is encouraged in the Bible (see Matthew 19:14 and Luke 18:17) whereas childish behavior is to be eliminated over time through training and discipline. (See Proverbs 22:15, Hebrews 12:11, and Proverbs 13:1, 13, 14, 18, and 20.) 

I consider synonyms of childlike to be humble, repentant, trusting, and playful. Childish could manifest as foolish, self-centered, lazy, or thoughtless. 

Childish is the opposite of maturity, yet when we mature spiritually, we become more childlike. It is a mystery!

Regardless, it is clear our maturity is important to God (See Hebrews 6:1) and we get to participate in this maturation process. It’s important to recognize our level of maturity because a lack of maturity could be inhibiting our marriage. 

I believe we could experience deeper levels of intimacy, joy, and contentment in our marriages if we were to mature beyond our childish ways. 

It is mature to put another person’s needs before our own, to practice self-control, and to freely offer grace and forgiveness. It may sound really difficult, but the rewards and freedom that result make this process well worth the sacrifice.  

I wonder if we are missing out on any rewards in marriage right now because we have blindspots and do not recognize our immaturities. What if we have not put away these childish words and thoughts and behaviors? What if they are stumbling blocks to experiencing a richer marriage? And what if we are unaware they even exist?

I love the placement of this verse because it doesn’t leave us helpless. It offers hope and it goes on to conclude the chapter with one word where we can wisely focus our energy. 

1 Corinthians 13:13 says,

“And now there remain: faith [abiding trust in God and His promises], hope [confident expectation of eternal salvation], love [unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me], these three [the choicest graces]; but the greatest of these is love.” (AMP)

If we only focus on one word for growth and maturity, let’s focus together on l-o-v-e.

Reading the entire chapter helps us understand love better. I found the same to also be true for the Amplified version of Ephesians 5:33. It specifically offers actionable steps for ways husbands and wives can actually love and respect and honor one another. This type of treatment requires maturity. 

“However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].”

I like drawing out questions from these passages of Scripture. This helps apply the words we just read. Feel free to consider these for yourself or share your responses with your spouse. 

*Disclaimer: my hope is that you will prayerfully take these to God and ask Him to reveal your own blindspots. We get much further when He helps us search ourselves and confess our own sins, rather than focusing on what we wish our spouse would do better. 

Questions to Consider Personally:

  1. What are some ways I’ve matured since childhood?
  2. What are some common immaturities where I still struggle in my flesh? (exp: overindulging in shopping or video games, failing to manage my time wisely, only considering myself and my perspective, refusing to help with the kids or the housework because of my entitled attitude, harboring resentment rather than assertively communicating my wishes and desires, etc . . . )
  3. Have I ever brought this up with the Lord and sought His help? 
  4. When do I notice these immature patterns arising?
  5. Can I think of any possible solutions? Who could I confess this to and seek for help?
  6. What does my faith look like currently? Do I have abiding trust in God and His promises? 
  7. Where am I placing my hope? Do I have a confident expectation of eternal salvation?
  8. Am I a loving person? Do I have unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me?

Questions For Husbands:

How am I loving my wife as much as I love my very own self?

Is my behavior toward my wife worthy of respect and esteem?

Am I always seeking the best for my wife?

Do I approach my wife with an attitude of lovingkindness?

Questions For Wives:

How am I respecting and delighting in my husband?

How do I intentionally notice my husband?

Am I preferring my husband above all my other earthly relationships?

Do I treat my husband with loving concern, treasure him, honor him, and hold him dear?

Let’s humbly ask God together to reveal our blindspots and then empower us to unselfishly love our spouse more and more as we grow and mature, and experience God’s love for us.

I am praying for our marriages right now! I am praying this message lands on eyes and hearts the Holy Spirit has already prepared to be receptive and I pray for His truth to penetrate our hearts and minds and transform us all from the inside out. May our marriages reflect the Gospel and may He be better known and seen and experienced through our marriages. May we not miss out on ANY good gift He has to offer us through our marriage. I pray this all in Jesus’ name, Amen!

Love you,

Laura

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If you want to hear more ideas for attending to your marriage, make sure you listen to these episodes:

Reflecting Jesus in Our Relationships with Rach Kincaid

Being Intentional with Marriage, Parenting, Rest, Personal development, and Leadership with Pastor, Podcaster, and Author, Jeff Henderson

Understanding Gender Differences in Marriage with Dr. Ted and Ang Bryant

Healthy Relationships with Our Friends and Our Spouse with Author and Speaker, Sue Heimer (For Patrons only)

Understanding the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator to Improve Your Marriage, Family, and Work Relationships 

Marital Communication and Intentional Family Life with Author, Speaker, and Podcaster, Susan Seay

Stress Management, Self-Care, and Offering Grace to Important People in Our Life with Author and Popular Speaker, Jill Savage

Simple Solutions to Help You Prepare For, Enrich, or Save Your Marriage with Dr. Matthew Turvey

5 Love Languages with Dr. Gary Chapman

Patreon 16 Enjoy a Thriving Marriage with Dr. Matthew Turvey (For Patrons Only)

Understanding Men and Women Better with Shaunti Feldhahn

Understanding and Delighting in Our Differences with Bill & Pam Farrel

Communication and Healthy Conflict Resolution with Kelley Gray

Building Love Together in Blended Families with Ron Deal

Anatomy of an Affair with Dave Carder

Protecting Your Marriage Against Unfaithfulness with Dave Carder (For Patrons Only)

Romantic Love in Marriage with Dr. Willard Harvey

Healthy Minds, Marriages, and Sex Lives with Drs. Scott and Melissa Symington

Rhythms of Renewal with Gabe and Rebekah Lyons

Building Lasting Relationships with Clarence and Brenda Shuler

For a list of recommended podcast episodes related to enhancing sexual intimacy in marriage, check out 10 Recommendations for Enjoying Sex More in Marriage
See also our curated list of Sexual Wholeness Recommended Resources

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