Last week, I elaborated on a few actionable ways to be wise in marriage. We talked about how to be God-honoring in marriage, how to exercise savvy stewardship, and easy ways to apply forethought to our marriage for better results.
Now we can chat about two other wise words, as it applies to our relationship: discernment, and application.
Discernment:
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. James 3:17-18 (NIV)
These verses give us a great filter for how to make decisions and discern ways to live wisely.
How do you apply good judgment to your life? For us, this gets into the good, better, best conversation.
Just like you, we find there are many ministries we believe in and ways we could serve. However, if we want to give our best, it requires us saying no to the good and the better options.
Recently, we had a decision to make about Wednesday evenings at our church. There are amazing ministries for all of our family members to participate in that we have participated in before. We love connecting with people and growing closer to our church community. It seems like an easy “yes.”
However, we had to step back and look at the full picture.
If we say yes to participating in Wednesday evening activities this year, we will not have the margin to consistently work on a marriage ministry for our church that we are preparing to start. Wednesday evenings could be a time Mark and I can have 90 minutes together while our kids are in their own activities. We could be on-sight, but not participate in our adult ministries for this season, instead, choosing to plan and prepare for what is yet to come.
If we participate in adult ministries, we would certainly benefited spiritually. But God is not only spiritually pouring into us by teaching us about our good, God-given limits, He is also paving the way to spiritually benefit many by using this consecrated time to prepare for an upcoming ministry opportunity. Our prayer is for this marriage ministry to bless many. Bonus: We are also grateful for our pastor and his wife, who lead with care, as they encouraged us not to overcommit and gave us their blessing to use the time on Wednesday nights to prepare. Thanks, Jonathan and Jaime!
Application:
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22 (NIV)
This is where applying Truth, experience, and good judgment all mix together.
This brings us back to that reminder from last week that 70% of learning takes place through experience, specifically when we reflect on what we learned and then apply that knowledge.
What is one principle you were reminded of today that you want to take one step further and apply?
If you are still seeking clarity, start here:
Choose one of these questions to begin the conversation with your spouse:
How do we define wisdom?
Currently, what are our wisest practices in marriage?
Are there any actions we are taking or decisions we are making that are short-sighted, self-centered, or unwise?
What habits or rhythms would we like to incorporate to grow in wisdom in our marriage?
Sometimes, it helps to hear another person’s examples. I want to share what this looks like for us. When you join our free email list, I would love to share how Mark and I apply wisdom, and what we have learned from practicing foolishness within our own marriage. And for others’ advice, head to Instagram and hear great counsel from a few devoted couples throughout the United States. This is one way to apply what the Bible advises us, when it encourages us:
“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20 (NIV)
Also, make sure you check out fun marital enrichment habits, both daily/weekly, and monthly/yearly.
I pray your conversations go well and mark the beginning of a joyful, intentional, and wise marriage. May God richly bless your marriage!
Best,
Laura