Have you ever had a mentor? This term is broad to cover someone you trust and seek for guidance through life in various areas, such as work or parenting.
I have found mentors to be incredibly helpful in all seasons, and then I encountered a verse that articulated one reason why mentors are such a gift!
“Where there is no [wise, intelligent] guidance, the people fall [and go off course like a ship without a helm], But in the abundance of [wise and godly] counselors there is victory.” Proverbs 11:14 (AMP)
There is so much value in an abundance of mentors!
Mark and I have sought out mentors in all seasons of marriage. Each time, it looks different and every time, it has been transformational. It’s also been fun to see how God weaves these lessons into a bigger story. There was such an abundance of joy and gratitude from meeting with mentors that it eventually led to launching The Savvy Sauce podcast! This goodness was too wonderful to keep to myself, so now I get to share my mentors with others who are willing to listen.
For premarital counseling we hired a licensed professional counselor. She helped us grow in putting each other’s needs above our own and some of the practical lessons we learned in counseling over a decade ago still benefit our marriage today. For example, making an effort to join in one another’s hobbies cheerfully and not be (what she called) the fun-sponge.
When we became pregnant, God put it on our hearts to go through Financial Peace University. Dave Ramsey was a mentor to us, through his video curriculum. We followed his principles to live like nobody else so we could eventually live and give like nobody else. Like all forms of mentoring, this one makes an impact on generations to come. Dave’s daughter, Rachel Cruze, was a guest who shared about her upbringing as Dave’s daughter and she imparted practical lessons in Financial Heart Issues.
Once I became a mom, my desire for a mentor increased because I realized parenting is also mentoring our children for a lifetime. As I talked to other moms who felt the same way, we decided to ask one mom to meet with all of us together once a month. Our kids crawled around her living room while she taught us how God encouraged and led her as a mom, gave her ideas for holiday traditions, and instilled a family desire for hospitality. You can listen to her teaching in Meaningful Traditions.
God has grown this model to be the most accessible in my life, when a group of peers gather together and learn from one mentor at the same time. I have participated in weekly or monthly meetings with other moms where we share a sitter and have some adult time while the kids are having a blast playing together. For one group, we had a different mentor share each time we met so that we could learn wisdom from a variety of sources. Some of these mentors have been guests on The Savvy Sauce:
Radical Business and Radical Parenting
Being on Both Sides of Forgiveness
This group mentorship model worked well for moms related to parenting, so Mark and I decided to try the same format with couples and discuss marriage. With our small group, we shared multiple potluck meals together and invited various couples from our church to join us and answer a few of our questions. They get to show up for a meal prepared for them and we get to receive instruction! It has also been a wonderful way to get to know people of different age groups within our church.
I have also richly benefited from informal mentoring. When someone is unavailable to meet in person or I don’t have a relationship with them to request a zoom meeting, I can still spend time with them through books they have written or talks they have given. This still impacts my growth and benefits others I love, as it is a form of discipleship. This is what I hope The Savvy Sauce will be for everyone: a way to learn from others who they may not otherwise have access to. Here are a few more resources and episodes I recommend for various aspects of mentoring:
God-Honoring In-Law Relationships
Align Your Finances with Your Values
Reflecting Jesus in Our Relationships
Rest, Personal Development, and Leadership
Effective Parenting for Toddlers Through College
Visionary Parenting and Grand-Parenting
If you prefer reading over listening, I will share a few books that felt like spending hours with a mentor as I read them.
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
The Powerful Purpose of Introverts
God has also used this seed of desire for mentorship to bring forth a new marriage class Mark and I get to facilitate at our church. This will include built-in marriage mentors! I would love to invite you and your spouse to join us (free of charge) for the class which begins in March. If you want to join us, visit Grace Church’s website for more information.
I recommend all of these types of mentors listed above! But I want to especially recommend you find a mentor couple who can support your marriage.
Our team appreciates the feedback we get from listeners. The most common thing people write to us about through email or DMs are questions or concerns about their marriage. Seeking a married mentor won’t solve all your marital problems, but it will likely be beneficial to you and your marriage.
Because nobody goes through our exact same experience, I like to think of mentorship as learning through sharing stories. This is honoring to the mentor couple as they get to honor their life by sharing their story. This is also helpful for the mentees who can learn wise principles and discern how to apply that knowledge to their own unique marriage. God works powerful transformation through stories!
The greater goal is to meet with Jesus and be filled with joy overflowing. Meeting with mentors is one way to do that, regardless of the means.
Whether you have always valued mentorship or if this has given you inspiration to give it a try, I want to leave you equipped with 15 questions to choose from as you meet with a mentor to enhance your marriage.
15 Questions to Ask Mentors About Marriage
1. How did you both come to know Christ and each other?
2. Looking back, what are you so thankful you did in every season of marriage, from newlyweds to empty nesters, that you see the pay off now in the present?
3. Did you ever have particularly challenging seasons? What got you through that?
4. Through various seasons, how did you keep your spouse as a top priority, even a higher priority than work or hobbies or your kids or your own families of origin?
5. What do you wish you would have done differently or learned earlier?
6. What encouragement do you have for laying a foundation of remaining connected and intimate in all realms: spiritually, relationally, emotionally, physically, etc . . . ?
7. How did you put your hobbies in the right place and prioritize leisure time together? (For instance, did you have date nights? Did you have babysitters or other ways that required effort on your part to stay connected?)
8. How has grace and forgiveness (practically) benefited your relationship?
9. What has community and friendship looked like for the two of you throughout your marriage?
10. Are there any resources or lessons that have been especially helpful to learn and apply to your marriage?
11. What challenges do you perceive to be different for married couples now, compared to when you two were our age? (Are there themes or specific cultural challenges you didn’t face that you see younger couples experiencing? Are there any positive areas you have noticed are a part of marriage for younger couples that were not the same for you as a young married couple?)
12. How do you intentionally live counter-culturally as a married couple?
13. How have you two supported or cultivated one another’s giftings? (Said another way: How do you two cheer each other on in exercising the unique gifts or personality traits God has bestowed on you?)
14. What habits or rhythms or traditions have been most meaningful and beneficial to you as a couple?
15. What do you want to leave us with? (a challenge, Scripture, encouragement, story, advice . . it can be anything!)
May God bless your desire and initiative to grow in wisdom and righteous living as a couple!
Love to you,
Laura
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