Last week, we discovered one solution may solve two questions: How Can I Know My Children Better? How Can I Enjoy My Children More?

An answer to both is one-on-one time with our kids!

One-on-one time is delightful, but it rarely happens if you do not mentally and practically prepare for it. If this is a value of yours, I hope you try one of these ideas!

Weekly or Monthly or Quarterly: Dates

This has evolved through the seasons. When our children were younger and physical demands to care for all of them were even greater, we limited the goal of a one-on-one date with each child to one date per year with each parent. That way each child had two special evenings throughout the year to greatly anticipate. We often centered one of those around their birthday, and planned the other for 6 months later.

This past year we transitioned to a new routine of taking each child out one time per month. Even though it is more frequent, it actually feels more manageable because it is built into our expected pattern of the week. The time and budget for the date have been minimized, because the dates occur more often.

Logistics:

If you want to try this, feel free to glean ideas from our system. Currently, our minimum age requirement for participation is 3. After each child turns 3, they join a rotation to go out on a total of 12 dates per year. We alternate which parent takes out each child, so it ends up with every child getting one intentional date with each parent six times per year.

To activate this idea, Mark and I first sat down to lay out our budget and sync our calendars. Thursday nights were open in our family, so we scheduled our parent/child dates for approximately one hour every Thursday night from 6:15 pm-7:15 pm. This allows for the date to take place after dinner and conclude before bedtime, which does not interrupt our current family routines. Avoiding dinner also makes the date budget stretch further.

When our youngest child turns 3, we will have a parent/child date night four weeks out of every month. Here is what our schedule will look like:

First Thursday of the month: Selah’s date with Dad

Second Thursday of the month: Shiloh’s date with Mom

Third Thursday of the month: Isla’s date with Dad

Fourth Thursday of the month: Kessler’s date with Mom

The following month, we simply swap places for Dad and Mom, so each child has one date with each parent every two months.

Budget:

We often find we don’t spend any money on the date at all, but we still set money aside to use in the future! We use cash to incorporate visual teaching about finances for our daughters. Each week our budget is $10. Whatever bills we do not use are put in a family envelope for a special outing. Once we accumulate enough funds in that envelope, we do something fun together such as visit a children’s museum or go to an additional attraction on vacation that may be more costly than what we typically account for in the travel budget. When coins are given as change on our date, we typically surprise the child with the coins as a gift to add to their piggy bank.

Date Ideas:

Together, our family came up with some ideas we all thought would be fun.This discussion provides a lot of excitement and contributes to the overall positive experience for both children and parents! Our list includes: dessert, park, dollar store toy run, library visit, bike ride, etc . . . Our rule is that you cannot choose the same date twice in a row, so we are all stretched to try new things, but we can still return back to favorite options in a couple of months.

As often is the case, flexibility and forethought are always helpful ingredients to make this goal a reality!

These dates provide wonderful quality time. You can learn about the importance of quality time from Dr. Gary Chapman’s episode on The 5 Love Languages . . . (or get his book here).

Anytime: Questions and Conversation

Maybe you enjoy spontaneity or your schedule doesn’t accommodate set routines. The good news is that you can still have meaningful one-on-one time with your children! You just need to get creative to ensure follow through occurs. Much like we discussed in 15 Questions To Ask On Your Next Date Night, when you prepare a question ahead of time, it seems to amplify the enjoyment of the conversation and the time spent together!

You could print out a few questions and take turns asking each other/answering each one. You don’t have to sit across the table while discussing these! You may enjoy open conversation as you play a game or toss a ball together, drive somewhere, or walk side-by-side.

Questions to Ask Your Kids to Generate Meaningful Conversation:

What is something others may not know about you when they first meet you?

What’s your favorite family memory?

What do you enjoy doing most with your friends?

What is something you do well?

What is one thing I don’t know about you yet?

What is your favorite: sport, book, toy, place, verse, food, drink, treat, subject, activity, etc . . . ?

What do you appreciate about our relationship?

Are there any goals you want to reach this week/month/year?

When you are a parent, what do you hope you do with your children?

What is your favorite part about being in our family?

I hope these ideas excite you and energize you to give intentional one-on-one time with your kids a try! And if you are tired as you read this, may your body, mind, and heart be refreshed as you consider the generous promise from Galatians 6:9:

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” (NKJV)

As a mentor once shared with me, we never reap what we sow in the same season.

I am excited for the eternal rewards and pleasures you will reap as you sow good seeds of intentional time well spent with your children now.

Blessings to You,

Laura

About The Savvy Sauce

Practical chats for intentional living

A faith-based podcast and resources to help you grow closer to Jesus and others. Expect encouragement, surprises, and hope here. Each episode offers lively interviews with fascinating guests such as therapists, authors, non-profit founders, and business leaders.

They share their best practices and savvy tips we can replicate to make our daily life and relationships more enjoyable!