Special Patreon Re-Release: Making Your Home a Place of Love and Peace with Devi Titus
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” -Titus 2:3-5 (NIV)
**Transcription Below**
Devi Titus, wife of Larry Titus, is an international Christian conference speaker and author. She is an award winning communicator with the Washington Press Women’s Association and speaks to multiple thousands annually, both nationally and globally. She first came to the attention of women nationwide in 1978 when she founded and edited VIRTUE magazine, a successful Christian alternative to secular women’s magazines. VIRTUE magazine raised a standard of excellence for women’s lives for 22 years. She is an author and founder of The Mentoring Mansion (now called the TITUS HOME). Married for over 55 years, Larry and Devi have two children, six grandchildren, and eleven great grandchildren. She and her husband reside in the Dallas/Ft Worth, TX area and travel extensively worldwide.
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Home Experience by Devi Titus and Trina Loranzo
The Table Experience by Devi Titus
When Leaders Live Together by Devi Titus
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Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
**Transcription**
[00:00:00] <music>
Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.
[00:00:18] <music>
Laura Dugger: Today's message is brought to you by Chick-fil-A East Peoria. Stay tuned for insider tips we're going to share during the episode.
I'm excited to welcome back Devi Titus. She's an internationally known author and speaker, and today she's going to teach us about biblical priority management, how to keep our list of priorities in order every day. I hope you enjoy our chat.
Welcome back, Devi.
Devi Titus: Oh, it's so awesome to be here again, Laura.
Laura Dugger: Well, we're always glad that you join us. And in case our friends listening missed our last conversation together, can you just tell us a little bit about yourself and lay the foundation for your most recent book?
Devi Titus: Oh, sure. Thank you. Well, I'm married for 54 years to an amazing man who was called into ministry before we were married. We married at age 17 and 21. [00:01:19] He was called as a young man. So I thought I knew what I was getting into, but I had some surprises.
We have two children. Those two children have given us six grandchildren, and three of the six have given us 10 great-grandchildren, and we have an 11th one on the way.
In the year 2001, we left leading a local church. We had pastored four different congregations in 37 years, and we have a missions organization, and we work with men and women and pastoral leadership in 24 nations. So we have a very fruitful life in ministry.
My passion is to restore the dignity and the sanctity of the home. I am at the season in life, and I have the wonderful experience of going into many nations, being an invited guest in large conferences in many nations. And I see the condition of our current culture from many, many different perspectives. [00:02:23] The common thing in every nation is that the dignity and the sanctity of the home have been undermined.
A great, great historian of all times, Edward Gibbon, cited five basic reasons why great civilizations wither and die, and we see that happening in our world today, is the undermining of the dignity and sanctity of the home, which is the basis of human society. That's the number one of those five reasons.
So I really thought, okay, if the undermining of the value of the home and the wholeness of the home destroys a nation, then can't we build a nation by restoring the value and the wholeness of the home, which is what dignity and sanctity means.
In the year 2001, I focused, completely focused my life to do this. And I did it by writing resources. I speak to conferences, but I also bring eight women at a time once a month into my personal home, and I call it the Titus Home Mentoring Experience. [00:03:32]
So they live with me for four days. I'm the mom teaching them essential principles, vital relationship skills. We send them back into their environments and hopefully they then will pass those principles to their spheres of influence. And we literally have hundreds of thousands and now with the internet, millions who are really embracing these principles. We are seeing a huge transformation in some nations, but more importantly, in individual homes within those nations that is affecting a national outlook.
So that's a little bit about me. I'm very passionate about what I do. And as long as the Lord gives me health and strength, I'll never retire.
Laura Dugger: I'm so thankful for that, because you clearly have this incredible gift for just inspiring and training women so that they can also create a peaceful home that has eternal value.
Devi Titus: Thank you.
Laura Dugger: Yes, I mean that. [00:04:32] So let's cover a few of those values from your book and just learn how each of us can practically apply these values into our own homes. We can start with priority management. You teach that that is a value of order. Can you tell us more about that?
Devi Titus: Well, yes. We are referring to the book, The Home Experience: How to Make Your Home a Place of Love and Peace. This home experience book is over 300 pages. It's a full-color book, pictorial. It is a coffee table size, nine by 12. And you leave it out on your table to remind you every day how important your home is to the human hearts who live there.
Every human heart must have love and they must have peace. And we cannot have peace without order. So that's why priority management brings order. And you know what a day is like when you didn't prioritize and you can't find your car keys and you don't know where the kids' baseball mitt is and they have their little team meeting and you have to be on time or he'll get kicked off the team and you can't find the shoes when it's time to get ready for school. [00:05:47] So when there is disorder... God is not a God of disorder. He's a God of peace.
Priority management is different than time management. We all have 24 hours in a day. But within those 24 hours, we must structure our priorities.
So the list of priorities that I created will help give you a guideline not to neglect the most important for a lesser important thing. I will say that all priorities that I have listed are all important to be mindful of every single day.
Laura Dugger: Can you just give us what a biblical list of priorities would look like in order?
Devi Titus: Yes, I am really happy to do that. Number one is the fear of the Lord. Many people say, Put God first. Well, what does that mean? Does that mean I have to read my Bible every day, and if I don't, I'm not putting God first? [00:06:46] Do I need to spend X amount of time in prayer? And how much? A little bit? A lot?
You know, what does it mean to put God first? You know what? That is so individual. But I'm going to tell you what it means. It means to have a fear of the Lord. You may not read your Bible today, but a fear of the Lord doesn't go away. There is an awe about God that you reverence. And basically, the fear of the Lord means you believe God will do what He says he will do.
So He says He will give you a promise for a certain kind of behavior and He says he will give you a consequence for a certain kind of behavior. The fear of the Lord believes it and adapts and adjusts your decision based on that premise.
The word says in Psalm 111:10, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. And I don't know about you, but I've got to have wisdom every single day. I'm constantly making decisions about things that I don't know. [00:07:49] And I just say, God, give me wisdom how to make this decision.
The fear of the Lord, Proverbs 1:7, is the beginning of knowledge. When I have the fear of the Lord, God will let me know something that I don't know. He'll just speak it to me. The fear of the Lord adds length to life. The fear of the Lord gives you health. Medical science has proven that anxiety will break down your health when you don't have peace. So the fear of the Lord gives you peace and it'll keep you from getting diseased.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him. So He's protection. He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress or home for His children. It will be a refuge. So the fear of the Lord makes your children feel safe in your home when you are a person who fears the Lord.
And just one more. And there are many, but these are just a few. Proverbs 14:27 says, "The fear of the Lord is the fountain of life." So that's the first priority. [00:08:49]
The second, then, if you are married, is your husband, and notice your children do not come before your husband. Be sure that you have a marriage-centered family if you're married, not a child-centered family. I would say the majority of families become child-centered. The children are between the husband and wife, which creates a distance between the husband and wife.
Actually, that creates insecure children, not secure children. So your marriage is a covenant until death do you a part. Your responsibility for your children is until they are grown adults. So that's a very short season in the life of your marriage.
If you're not married, then your priority number two, if you're not married, is that this is a season in your life to not just have a fear of the Lord, but to be totally devoted to doing service for the Lord. An unmarried woman is concerned about the Lord's affairs. [00:09:50] Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. That's 1 Corinthians 7:34.
So it's a real privilege to have an adult season and not be married. Don't waste it on yourself, waste it on socializing, waste it on partying, wasting on hanging out at bars or hanging out in social places. But use your time productively for the service and the affairs of the Lord. Volunteer. Serve someone that you wouldn't have time to do when you take on the responsibility of a family.
Number three then is your home. Now notice we have fear of the Lord, we have husband and then we have home. Not children. And the reason home comes next, this is all based out of Proverbs 31.
On this show, I can't give you all the references, but just trust me, the home is the institution that God created for the human heart to be formed. You may never have children, but you will have a home. And that home is important. [00:10:50] First, for your personal life to flourish, and second, for those who live there. So you prepare the home to be functioning in love and peace before you bring children into it. That's why it's a priority.
Then your children. So you care for your children before you care for yourself. Your children would come next. What are their needs, their emotional needs, their secure needs. Your career is not priority over your children being properly cared for.
Next, priority five is your private life. If you are not personally healthy, your public life will not be healthy. If you are not personally healthy, what you do at work or what you do in ministry or whatever your public life represents, by healthy, it can be many different things, but particularly I want to just speak to your attitude. [00:11:49] So your personal life or your private life is really controlling your attitude.
I love this saying, it's not original to me, but you really are who you are in the dark. In other words, whatever you do, when nobody looks at you or sees you is the true you. That needs then to be able to be reflected in the light. So essentially your private life will look different than my private life, but it's important for you to be aware every single day to keep healthy in your mindset, in your attitudes, and in your habits. So your lifestyle.
And then number six is our public life. And how many times are many of us driven that our public life actually is first. I have to go to work. That's your public life. I'm in ministry. That's your public life. And it comes first. And even your grooming, which is your private life, isn't considered.
The hair gets slicked back, you know, into a ponytail. [00:12:50] You leave the house without makeup. You might be driving to work and putting it on while you're driving. You haven't just taken time to be peaceful. Your public life will flourish when these priorities are in order. So that's the list. And then I can kind of tell you how that practically works.
Laura Dugger: We have quite a few listeners that are both stay-at-home moms and working moms. So could you speak to both groups of women who still have children in the home? What does it actually look like on a typical day to live out these priorities in order?
Devi Titus: I had a lady write to me and she said, "Dear Devi, after reading about priority management, I couldn't figure out where I was going wrong. I would get to my office and not know what to do first. Then I would take an honest assessment the way I spend my time, and I realized my priorities were out of order. Now I have a sticky note on my desk at all times. Every day, I literally check off these things in my head. Did I spend time with God? [00:13:51] Have I honored and cared for my husband's needs today? Is my home in order? Have I addressed my children's needs and made sure and taken care of them? Have I exercised or cared for myself today? Check, check, check. And then I turn my attention to my public life, my work."
I love that because when you have this mindset, keep in mind, this is not a list for the week. This is every day. And it could be something as simple as when I get up in the morning, a habit that I have created, but it actually came from my father. He woke me up. His greeting was, "Hi, Devi, this is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice," meaning no matter what happens, you're going to rejoice. "We will rejoice in it and be glad."
And so I get up in the morning and I say, "Good morning, Lord. This is the day that you have made." I do that while I walk to the bathroom. It's the first thing I have to do when I get up. "Lord, this is the day you have made. Whatever comes my way, I will rejoice and I will be glad." [00:14:53]
So in that moment, that might be all the conversation I have with Him for the next hour, but I had it. And He was focused in my mind. And then, of course, I make every day specials for my husband. So if he wakes up later or if he was up early, there was a greeting, a conversation, a kind voice, a kiss, a hug, a touch as I walk by. And that's affirming him.
Then when I go into the kitchen, I gather the things up. I keep it in order. If I need to leave for work, I have prepared the night before. So I have the children's breakfast ready. Their lunch is packed. So their system that's putting my children in the right place. They didn't come first that morning. I left without makeup. If I'm a stay-at-home mom, I get up and I prepare myself for the day. Your children deserve a mother who is put together. Don't stay in your pajamas half a day in sweats, they never see your hair combed or never see you prepared. [00:15:57] And you want to train them to prepare themselves, too.
It's a balanced flow. Some things get more time than others. Remember, priority is different than time management. So the fact that my husband is after the Lord doesn't mean I'm necessarily going to spend the most time in that day with him. So don't get confused with time.
It's just that I am aware immediately that this is a marriage-centered family. And the more healthy my marriage is, the more healthy my children will be. So I'm going to invest in him this morning. If it takes preparing the night before.
Then, of course, your children. What are their needs? You want to look at them physically and emotionally and spiritually. The emotional side or the developing of their soul, their character, starts early. Their physical need and their soul is developed from infancy. [00:16:57]
By the time they get to be three, four, five, now you can introduce maybe a scripture memorization. You've already introduced prayer because you prayed with them as a habit from the day you brought them home or birthed them in your own home. So you start these habits. That's a habit of putting God first in their life. Those habits will then continue in their life.
Your personal life is cared for in many ways. My personal life is cared for because I have those other priorities in line. Then when you leave for work, you're leaving for work, focused on your work, giving your boss the best that you have. That's what you're getting paid for. And that's good stewardship. But you're not doing it in guilt. Get up an extra 30 minutes so you can make your bed and clear the dishes, even if they're stacked in the sink. Don't leave them scattered all over in cereal boxes on the counter.
An extra 30 minutes can make a huge difference in you leaving for work in peace. [00:17:58] And don't put a legalistic spiritual routine on yourself. That is very bad. I don't believe in that at all.
Laura Dugger: This may be brand new information, too, especially the part where you say from Proverbs 31, prioritizing the home before the children. Could you give us a practical example of what that might look like?
Devi Titus: So your children need a comfortable bed, right? If they're the age to be in a bed, they need a mattress that isn't broken down or a comfortable place to sleep. If you're listening and you're in another country, a comfortable place to sleep might be a cushion that you created with blankets on the floor, but you still created it. You still created a place. That was your home before the child laid down on it.
So the atmosphere and the furnishings in your home is what creates structure for your children to grow, to be nurtured, to develop a chair to sit in at a table. That chair can be broken down, but it wouldn't service very well that child. [00:19:00] It needs to be size appropriate and it needs to be sturdy so they won't fall out of it or off of it. So it's so practical.
I had one gal come to me and say, "Devi, I never ever thought of this. Our sofa is so torn up because I've allowed my child to tear it up." I thought, "Oh, this is childish behavior." "If she sees a little string, she starts pulling at it. It creates a hole. She sticks her finger in the hole and she'll put pressure on that hole until it rips and tear. She's literally torn our sofa up until there's holes and I have it covered, not just with a blanket. I now have bed pillows on the cushions with a blanket."
And I said, "Why did you not replace the sofa?" And she just looked at me like, "I don't know. Maybe I thought I couldn't afford one." And I said, "Well, have you bought any clothes?" "Yes." "How many clothes do you have in your closet? How many dresses?" "Oh, probably 10." "How many blouses?" "Probably 20." And I said, "Stop buying clothes and buy a sofa." [00:20:04] The sofa gives comfort to the family.
Now, don't you ever let your child physically destroy property because that is a destructive behavior. They'll destroy people. They'll destroy property. If you let that habit start, it will continue to bigger things. Why do we have graffiti? Because those kids never learn to respect property within their home.
Your furnishings, they don't have to be expensive, but you need to walk through your house and furnish your house appropriate for the season you're in. And it needs to be comfortable where your family wants to be there.
Why did Barnes & Noble become such a huge company in the time and season that feminism told us home wasn't important? Because they created a home atmosphere in a bookstore. People found peace there. They went there.
And you know what? You will never feel loved in a home if there's not peace. [00:21:04] See, love has to be believed. The home, the atmosphere of that home doesn't need to be fancy, doesn't need to be expensive. But I'll tell you what, the human eye does respond to color. So it's important to have color, to have things coordinated because it stimulates our soul. The health of our soul becomes soil for the health of our spirit.
Laura Dugger: Using it as a means to a greater end.
Devi Titus: Absolutely. It's strictly an environment.
Laura Dugger: Do you have any other final questions that you would recommend we ask ourselves as we all seek to align our priorities in an order that would be honoring to God?
Devi Titus: Oh, that's such a deep, good question. I'm not sure how much I have time, but I would love to elaborate just a moment on a statement that I just made regarding love and peace. Because every human soul must have love and peace. And if the home is where the heart is formed, then you want to ask yourself, what are the two things that the human heart must have? [00:22:07] Must have love and peace. God is love. Jesus is the Prince of Peace.
Jesus is the only way to God. He says, "I am the way, the truth, the life. No man comes to the Father except by Me or through Me." So if Jesus is the Prince of Peace, the only way to God who is love is through Christ. Then the only way to love is through peace.
I want you to think about this. Love is only as influential or impacting as it is believed. Just remember God so loved you that he gave his only begotten son. That through Him, through Jesus, you would be me and the world would be saved.
So when God loved you, he's loved you from the beginning, but His love had no influence on your life until you believed it. Once you believed He loved you, everything changed in your life.
It's the same in our homes. [00:23:08] Your children, your husband have to believe you love them. And the way they believe it is through peace. So you could say I love you, but you can yell at them. You can scream at them. You can be angry. You can be undisciplined and self-controlled. Everything can be chaotic, out of order. That's all self-centeredness, frankly. That's putting you more important than everybody else in your family. And that's wrong. It's sin, actually.
So do an assessment in your home and say, is love being believed? If a person doesn't feel secure in love, let's take your children, you become vulnerable to aggression because they fear the pain that rejection brings. So if you scream or yell or you're out of control, your kids feel pain inside. They feel rejected. It hurts. So their aggression is to push you away or your husband, to push you away before you push him away because he feels rejected. He's not secure in your life. [00:24:13]
So ask yourself, what do I need to change in the atmosphere of my home to bring peace? Because I do love my family, I do love my husband. But now that I hear this, I'm not sure they believe it. What do I do that can make my love, my sincere love believed?
And the only way it's believed is for you to gain order, order within yourself. Remember, self-control is one of the signs that you are filled with the Holy Spirit of God. It is part of the fruit of the Spirit, just like kindness, meekness, gentleness, love, and self-control.
So start with self-control because that is something that is your responsibility. Self. Control yourself, bring peace, and then love will be believed.
In love and peace, everybody will flourish. They can't not. It's like planting a flower in good soil, and you continue to nurture and water that flower with food and care — you've already given it love and peace — and it will grow to maturity, it will blossom, it will bloom, and it will multiply. You won't have to worry about it. [00:25:28]
If your heart is hard, if it is hurting because you've been hurt and you've become vulnerable to aggression, let the Holy Spirit heal you from that. Lay aside your offenses, forgive those you need to forgive and come back to a tender, humble place in your heart.
If there's no peace, if you continue to allow your environment to be filled with chaos, it creates an environment where the people who live there become vulnerable to addictions. Addictions, it doesn't matter what kind it is, illegal or legal, addictions are really a temporary form of trying to gain peace. So your kids won't be vulnerable to drug addictions if they have a home filled with love and with order.
So take a personal assessment so you can realign your priorities and to be able to recapture the belief of love through peace. [00:26:29]
Laura Dugger: Let's take a quick break to hear a message from our sponsor.
[00:26:33] <music>
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[00:27:40] <music>
Laura Dugger: Let's move on to the topic of hospitality. You've taught that this models a value of serving. Do you have any favorite scripture that's related to hospitality?
Devi Titus: I do. Well, there are several. You know, when I was a little girl, we lived by a railroad track in the hobos. They rode the train and the train stopped right there at the train stop near our home. And those hobos would get off of the train and they would walk through our little town and they would ask for food. Our house was the first one they came to. It was the nearest.
My father really lived out — and my mother — Hebrews 13:2. "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers. By doing so, you may entertain angels." And my dad set a picnic table outside the back door of our house, which was the common door that people came into. And he said, "Devi, if a stranger or one of the hobos from the train stop and ask for food, lock the door, make him a sandwich, take it out on a paper plate and sit him down to this table and feed him. If we're not home." [00:28:50]
If my mom and dad were home, they invited him in and they would always make him something to eat. And here's what my dad said: "He might be an angel." I mean, they really believe the scripture. He might be an angel. So that formed in me a conviction about hospitality.
And then I married Larry, who is a lover of people, and he has taken in strangers back from the hippie days of teenagers hitchhiking across the nation with, you know, bare feet. In the 60s and 70s, he picked up hitchhikers. He brought people from the street. He would bring drunks from the bars and he would bring them to our home.
So I realized as a young girl that 1 Timothy 3 overseers, these are spiritual leaders within the church. One of the qualifications is that we are given to hospitality. And so those are some of the ones that have really shaped my conviction about hospitality. [00:29:51]
Laura Dugger: Wow. That is incredible to hear even how your parents planted that seed in you. Do you hear any common excuses from people why they are reluctant to open their own homes?
Devi Titus: Oh, absolutely. Number one, most people's homes aren't in order. So they live a very different image of a public life than they live in their personal life.
Probably the second reason is we have really lost a sensitivity of connecting in relationships, even within the church. We are accustomed to meeting people in public places, but very few people want the vulnerability that it requires in order to bring people into their homes.
Laura Dugger: Do you have any recommendations or a remedy for overcoming these excuses?
Devi Titus: Oh, I would start with one person at a time. Just think your most simple meal, whether it's grilling hamburgers or cooking hot dogs. In fact, my daughter tells a wonderful story. After 35 years or so, they moved to Dallas area and she got married in Amarillo, Texas. We moved away. They moved to several different states. [00:30:59]
They returned to Dallas and reconnected with an old friend. The old friend said, "I remember coming to your house and it was the most special meal. Oh, it was awesome." Well, my daughter kind of left because she's really never been known. She had four children, but she's never known to be a cook. She was a meal preparer. They always had meals, but she doesn't like to cook. You know, if you don't like to cook, you're not a very good cook. But she thought it was crazy that this lady remembered this meal after all these years. And she goes, "Really? You're kidding me. What did I fix?" She said, "You fixed Coney Island's chili cheese dogs. And they were so delicious. But it wasn't just the chili cheese dogs. It was the way you set up the counter and the way you serve them." See, she was hospitable. It wasn't about the food.
And if we can get over that hurdle, it's really the connection. Make it cute. Start with one or two people that you're fairly comfortable with. [00:32:02] Or a stranger that you sit by at church. In fact, this week, Friday night, we are bringing a young couple to our house that I sat beside at church last Sunday.
Laura Dugger: Oh, I love that. You're living out your principles.
Devi Titus: Yes. They're in their 20s. They've been living here three years. They go to church every Sunday, but they haven't connected to couples their age. So we have invited two other couples their age. One of them leads a small group of couples their age. We've invited those three couples. Maybe we'll grill chicken outside. But it'll be simple. It'll be fun. They'll be comfortable. I won't set a formal table for this event to start them out. But I'll graduate them to that. That's the blessing.
So just start one at a time. The people that you greet and say hi, but you never tell their name. Why don't you ask them home for lunch? Whatever you're having, serve that to them, too. They will love it.
Laura Dugger: Yes, everyone loves to be invited. [00:33:00] I also appreciate your chapter on etiquette. And some people might think that that word can sound stuffy, but I love how you insightfully teach that it's actually a value of kindness. So will you start just by sharing some of the rules of kindness as they relate to etiquette?
Devi Titus: Well, sure. The reason that sort of rules of conduct or behavior began to be developed, oh, I think back in the 1600s or so. Of course, they've evolved. Culture changes then, etc. I'm just going to go to a point in time in history when trade had opened up between England and Asia. And their cultures were very different.
There were some codes of conduct that were developed to be able to host in England, the queen to host the heads of state of Asia. And so they sent them in advance, which was an act of kindness and consideration so they could be comfortable in their culture. So that began. [00:34:01]
And if you look at the heart of every sort of rule of etiquette, if you know to do this, it will save your guests from being embarrassed. That's the whole purpose of etiquette. And it makes things more comfortable and easy.
Another reason to know etiquette, which are rules of kindness and consideration, is so when you are in social settings, you're not self-centered. Colossian says to conduct yourself in a manner worthy of honor. If you know how to act, you can forget about yourself. If you don't know, you're uncomfortable and you're thinking about yourself. What do I say? What port do I use? Where do I sit? Do I sit now or do I wait? It's all about me.
If you know it and you're comfortable enough that if kindness means I need to break this rule so you don't become embarrassed, I have the confidence to do it. [00:35:00]
Laura Dugger: Now, with this knowledge of etiquette and kindness, do you have any practical ways that we can prepare to lavishly love others?
Devi Titus: Oh, wow. Forget about yourself. Number one. To lavishly love someone else is to put yourself in their shoes and then to make the most of that opportunity. The scripture says, Let your conversation toward outsiders be filled with grace. Grace means favor undeserved. So no matter how somebody else is behaving, let your conversation compliment them. Give them an encouraging word. That's thinking beyond yourself how their rudeness might be affecting you. Give them grace.
And it says seasoned as if it were salt. You know, salt always brings the best. It enhances the flavor. It doesn't diminish the flavor. [00:36:00] So kindness and consideration for others. When I'm in the checkout line at Target and there's a big basket in front of me with kids misbehaving and a new person at the customer service or at the checkout who isn't doing a very efficient job and I'm in a hurry, I just have to think, Okay, how can I season this situation with salt? That's what the scripture tells me to do.
So it's not about me right now. I can't change this situation. So let me try to make it better. You know, so I just put all the sweetness I can in my voice. I think of something positive that I could say to encourage this young mom with out-of-control children, to encourage the lady at the checkout who's struggling, learning a new job and make it better for her. So that's the way we do it. We have opportunities really anytime we go out into public to be able to do that.
Laura Dugger: Yes, endless opportunities. [00:37:01] Changing gears a little bit here. You also have a background in interior design. Is that right?
Devi Titus: I do. Not a formal one, but a self-taught one, and attended a number of small seminars, institutes, but I owned a business for 10 years.
Laura Dugger: That explains a lot of the beauty that you incorporate into all of your resources. But I appreciate your section on home decor and you describe that as a value of beauty. Why do you believe that design and creativity are important to incorporate into our own homes?
Devi Titus: Because our God is the creator and we have His nature in us. Everybody is creative to a point. So you might be more creative intellectually and I might be creative more artistically but we have God's nature in us. And He has designed and created beauty. [00:38:01]
As we're talking, I'm looking out the window and I'm looking at the color coordination of various, various shades of green from dark to light and the spots of color that emerge out of that, including brown. It's just amazing.
There's a pleasure to the soul, to the internal nature of who God created us to be. I think we've lost touch in many ways of who we really are as a human in this environment that God has put us in on this earth. A man that we discipled in prison for 25 years was released, came to our home to live with us during his time of release. And the biggest thing for him was he had never seen the night sky. He was incarcerated for 35 years. He had never seen the night sky.
Now, just think about that. [00:39:00] We were designed to see light and the day sky, the night sky. And we come into our home... Well, it's a protected environment, but it's no different in terms of color, the need to see coordination and order, and color and systems because it surrounds us on earth.
Laura Dugger: I've never considered it that way before. Would you even say that the creative and beautiful design of our homes has eternal value?
Devi Titus: Well, not in terms of our eternal soul, but it had eternal value before we existed. I'm not saying your physical furniture in your house. No. Because all biblical principles are transferable to every culture and we must be sensitive as we talk about this subject of the cultures.
So I'm in different cultures and different environments where our homes are very, very different and what we have. [00:40:00] But the human soul never changes. You can go to Calcutta, India, and a believer who the nature of God, you have become his temple, they will take their dirt floors that used to be filled with holes and mud and gravel, and they will start sweeping it. Nobody tells them to. They'll sweep it until it becomes hard like a floor.
They'll line rocks up coming into the little entrance of their hut or shack. They'll line them up as if it's a sidewalk or a path. They just start creating beauty out of what they have because this is the God nature. So it's eternal in that God is eternal, and that nature will never change because God created that nature.
But our physical homes, you know, they change all the time. We change from big to small, from small to big. You can change color schemes, but the home itself is a reflection in a sense of the health, the nurture of our soul. It doesn't matter what our socioeconomic standard is or the nation or the culture that we live in. [00:41:13]
Laura Dugger: I really appreciate that clarification. We've covered so many important topics, but one more value that I want to touch on that you write about in your book is about a mentoring revolution. So what age would you recommend that we start seeking out a mentor or start seeking to become a mentor ourselves?
Devi Titus: Well, as a mother, you are a mentor to your children — your sons and your daughters. A mentor means you invite a person into your life and you engage all five senses. That's the difference in being a teacher and a mentor.
So when to become a mentor, I would encourage you to be sensitive. If you have daughters or sons, it can go either direction. I'm going to just talk about daughters for a moment. If you have daughters who are in elementary school, invite their friends to spend time in your home.
I just had a lady volunteering in my home on Wednesday for the mentoring program that I conduct every month called the Titus Home Experience. [00:42:19] It was her first time here, so I said, "Tayden, tell us your story." And we had about four ladies in the kitchen making and chopping and dicing some of the stove stirring.
So she started telling me about the dysfunctional home, her drug-addicted mother, her alcoholic father. And she said, "I found refuge and peace at my friend's home. And I would be there as much as possible. They were a Christian family. They took me to church. I learned what a home should be from hanging out there and I never wanted to leave."
So what if that mother had not hosted her daughter's friend who wanted to be there? That's how she saw Jesus in action, being in a home that was very different than hers. I think to be really sensitive to your children's friends and really be hospitable to them first. Those are strangers that you're bringing in. And it will make a huge impact. Not as a program, but just as incorporating them in your life, all five senses. [00:43:24]
Then if you want to develop a program out of that, like a junior high, fifth grade, surely we can bring them around the table and talk about some of the things that are important.
Laura Dugger: And what about seeking out our own mentor? Do you have any tips on that?
Devi Titus: A mentor really comes naturally through a relationship. So it's not really a regulated thing. I have developed a program whereby you can mentor so you can follow my program.
All the principles that I've talked on on the previous show that we did a number of months ago, as well as this show, are all in my home experience book. And I did a third section called A Mentor's Guide. So if you like a system where you already have women who are drawn to you in relationship and they just are constantly saying, oh, please teach us, do this. And you want to create a program, I've got it all created for you. I've made it really easy for you. Then you can schedule a time, a place, how frequently we will meet. [00:44:29]
My program is designed in seven sessions. So it doesn't drag on and on forever. You have a start, you have a finish. And usually, the people that you invite are people that you know. Now, for me, I've opened my life up to the world. So when I speak in large conferences, I invite the whole crowd. Anybody can come. It's first come, first serve. And everybody that I entertain are strangers. I've already done the other level for many, many years. And God has just taken me to this level. But you don't start here.
Laura Dugger: That's incredible to hear. And really, this topic and all of the ones that we covered were samples from your book. And I hope that everybody chooses to follow up and look at one of those today. So where can listeners find more information about your book and more about your ministry?
Devi Titus: Oh, thank you. My name is Devi, four letters, D-E-V, as in victory, I, Titus. DeviTitus.com. [00:45:36] So the Titus Home Experience is actually a four-day mentoring intensive that you come and stay with me in my home. And I am your mom. You can read all about that. And you are invited.
I would love to receive you. Nothing would thrill me most than for you to say to me, "I heard you on the radio." So that would be so awesome. You can get that information, the curriculum.
The principles that we've talked about. I teach in depth. And my daughter is a counselor professional. And she does the vital relationship skills component during the intensive. So she teaches here with me. She's a grandmother of ten. She's very seasoned in life. And I think married, I don't know, 35 or 36 years. So we are quite a team. But DeviTitus.com.
We have other books. My husband has an incredible book to men called Teleos. That means complete. [00:46:37] So the complete man: discovering your unique identity. It's phenomenal. It's 12 chapters. It's also a mentoring tool for men. But it's really the things that fathers should have taught their sons. And most of the men in your life didn't have that kind of father. So that's a great resource.
We have a marriage book of a different kind called When Leaders Live Together: How Two Strong Personalities Can Thrive in Marriage. Because my husband and I are both leaders. And most marriage books do not address that kind of relationship.
So all of our material is from a unique angle. We started writing after we were older. We were writing so we could leave a legacy of principles that aren't often taught. So that's what we have. There are more books there, but those are the primary ones. The Table Experience - Discover what Creates Deeper, More Meaningful Relationships.
So DeviTitus.com. If you want to read about our whole ministry, KingdomGlobal.com. [00:47:40] That will tell you about Larry's ministry to men. He holds conferences for men. Our missions that are in many, many nations. We invite you. We just invite you to join us in the mission that God has called us to, to mentor the nations.
Laura Dugger: As we wind down our time together today, our podcast is called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge or discernment. So Devi, as my final question for you today, what is your savvy sauce?
Devi Titus: Well, we've been talking about priorities. So my savvy sauce to you is make it a habit every single day when their feet hit the floor to align yourself with the fear of the Lord in your life. Say, Lord, I commit my day to you. This is the day that you've made, and whatever you bring to me, I'm going to make the best of it. Let that be the beginning of your conversation every day and you'll see that that alignment alone will change the way you're able to handle what comes to you in that day. [00:48:45]
Laura Dugger: Thank you for that wisdom. I can just hear the joy and passion in your voice. So thank you for sharing all of your savvy ways with us today.
Devi Titus: Well, thank you, Laura. It was an honor. It was a privilege. And thank you, listeners, for allowing me to invest in your life.
Laura Dugger: One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners and God is perfect and holy, so He cannot be in the presence of sin. Therefore, we're separated from Him.
This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. [00:49:45]
This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus.
We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
So would you pray with me now? Heavenly, Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change their lives now for eternity. In Jesus name, we pray, amen. [00:50:50]
If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him, you get the opportunity to live your life for Him.
At this podcast, we are called Savvy for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you're ready to get started?
First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision my parents took me to Barnes and Noble to get the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. Start by reading the book of John.
Get connected locally, which basically means just tell someone who is part of the church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.
We want to celebrate with you too. So feel free to leave a comment for us if you made a decision for Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process. [00:51:50]
Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.
If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.
Welcome to The Savvy Sauce
Practical chats for intentional living
A faith-based podcast and resources to help you grow closer to Jesus and others. Expect encouragement, surprises, and hope here. Each episode offers lively interviews with fascinating guests such as therapists, authors, non-profit founders, and business leaders.
They share their best practices and savvy tips we can replicate to make our daily life and relationships more enjoyable!
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