How has your winter been? Do you need a refresh? Spring is coming in 19 days! This is a time when we are reminded of this truth, found in both the in Old and New Testament of the Bible:

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19 (ESV)

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5 (ESV)

What is something new God is doing in your life? Was there a new habit you started in 2022? Are you the type of person who sets goals at the beginning of the year? Did you have a bucket list that you solidified on January 1st? Maybe you are like me and LOVE Powersheets from Cultivate What Matters. Their business is the first place where I learned that our brains do better holding onto things for 90 days rather than 365 days.

Mark and I wanted to use this brain research to our advantage, so here is what it looks like for us: One day per quarter, we have a quarterly meeting to reflect on, reconnect to, and refresh our priorities. I mentioned this in the article, Fun Monthly and Yearly Marital Enrichment Habits, but I want to give you more context today!

If you want to give this a try, this gives you plenty of time to plan, prepare, and prioritize a quarterly meeting of your own for April 1st!

Today I’ll share Scripture that guides us, practical logistics on how we structure our time and agenda, and questions we ask each other. If you want to try this with your spouse, here are a few quick action steps to do before you meet:

First, create a Google document where you can copy and paste what you learn from this article, and what you’d like to talk through.

Second, look at your calendar and ask your spouse for a time and place where you can sync up to meet.

During seasons with newborns, we tried to squeeze this meeting into less than three hours, which wasn’t ideal. Still, it was better than not meeting! During other phases of marriage, we met for six straight hours and it was glorious!

You can schedule whatever works for you in this season. If you don’t have three hours, start with one! Even if you don’t get through the whole document, you can still be encouraged that you came together and sought the Lord’s will for your lives. I think that is a win! Of course, Satan won’t like your intentionality, so you can expect some obstacles (See Ephesians 6:12, but be encouraged with the rest of that chapter and Romans 12:21).

I recommend the Google Doc because Mark and I share one, and it remains fluid as changes occur every quarter. For instance, we recently added a few more foundational verses to get our hearts and minds centered on why we prioritize this important meeting, including:

Proverbs 14:22b (NIV)

“But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.”

Proverbs 27:12 (NIV)

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”

Psalm 90:12 (NKJV)

“So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Our Quarterly Agenda:

Get food or coffee and join together to pray and review the guiding verses.

Assess the following areas through reflection, take inventory of how these are going in the present, then discuss and document hopes and desires for the future as it relates to each of these categories of life:

Spiritual

Marriage

Family

Rhythms that are working

Professional

Finances

Social

Physical

Intellectual

House/Home

If time is limited, we agree on 1-3 areas that are top of mind for us and simply focus there. When time allows, we cover all these categories. It would be ideal to prepare ahead of time by thinking through these things on our own, but we haven’t added that to our routine yet.

This last step is important: Before the end of each quarterly, we divide action items, add them to our to-do list, and schedule our next meeting time together. This provides clear expectations for who does what and it gives us vision for where to invest our time and energy in the next 90 days.

I love how this helps us work together as a couple and it keeps my life focused in an intentional way on the priorities that Mark and I have already agreed matter to us.

Questions we ask:

*You don’t have to cover all of these - we definitely don’t every time! However, these are the types of questions we have asked in various past meetings:

Which topic on this list is going best for you?

Which area is your greatest struggle right now?

Are you dissatisfied with your progress in any of these areas? If so, how, specifically?

What obstacles made your previous vision hard to follow through on?

What are you glad you did in the past 90 days related to each area?

Do you have any goals for these specific areas?

What do you want to see change in this area in the next 90 days?

What obstacles do you anticipate having to overcome, in order to make these changes?

How can we be more intentional in these areas for the next quarter of the year, compared to the previous 90 days?

Which area needs the most focus?

Which area can we celebrate because it is going well? And let’s take that one step further: let’s examine why this is going well: is there anything replicable we can do to ensure this remains positive?

The best part comes in when we get specific in each of these areas. So here are specific questions we ask and examples of goals we’ve listed, related to each topic:

Schedule and Activities:

First, list out all your personal and marriage and family current commitments.

As we review this list, what should stay?

What should go?

Is there anything that needs to be added?

Rhythms that are working:

First, take inventory: what is our current evening routine, morning routine, and daily schedule? (I list it in that order because we have found our evening routine affects everything that follows and it is more of a temptation to be frivolous with our time in the evening, so when we want change, we begin there)

What are some habits that we unintentionally or intentionally practice every day?

Could we replace or build on any of these habits and rhythms to make them work even better?

Are these habits honoring to each other and the rest of the family?

Personal Development:

Are we doing anything intentional to grow in wisdom?

What are some growth spurts of maturity we have experienced in the past?

What led us there?

For Mark and me, one example of a goal in this area included scheduling more margin. Another meeting, we listed a goal of reaching out to meet with a mentor.

Family:

How are all of us doing individually?

Does anyone need more support or attention currently?

What bonding activities can we plan for next year, such as family nights once per month or a trip or date nights with each of our kids?

What areas do we want to focus on for this next quarter, such as Scripture memorization or specific character traits to cultivate?

Professional:

Are there areas where we want to focus or grow, such as team development or profitability?

What milestones are we working to reach?

How do we feel about our own work/life balance?

How do we feel about our spouse’s work/life balance?

Are there any tweaks we could make to ensure this balance is more in line with our overall goals and how we are hoping to live as a couple?

Finances:

Are we spending less than we earn?

Are we having conflicts related to finances?

What emotions can we name that are tied to our experience with money this past quarter?

What are the numbers in our bank account?

What do we want to work together to save for, such as a family vacation?

Marriage:

How connected have you felt in this past season?

Do we feel the same way or did we each experience a different degree of connection?

Are we loving each other in the way our spouse prefers to receive love? (Listen to Love Languages for more context here.)

In the past, Mark and I have set a goal for two getaways in the next year for at least two nights, just the two of us. Other years, we have set a goal to read at least one marriage book together or attend at least one marriage conference.

Spiritual:

What is the Lord teaching us lately?

What private disciplines do we want to grow in, such as maintaining a prayer/gratitude log or honoring the Sabbath or reading our Bible daily?

How in tune do we feel with the leading of the Holy Spirit?

Is there anything distracting us from being present to God?

What is one spiritual goal we have for the next 90 days?

Physical:

We ask each other these questions, without adding feedback or criticism. Instead, this is a great time to offer a simple, and sincere, word of appreciation or affirmation (“I appreciate how well you prioritize caring for yourself” or “I’m so attracted to you.” or “I still find you to be the most beautiful/handsome person in the world!”) For Mark and me, we find that encouragement in this area is the only response that is helpful, but you may feel differently in your marriage. Here are questions we ask each other:

Are you satisfied with your energy level?

Are you drinking enough water?

Are you comfortable with the way you look and feel?

Are you prioritizing movement and nutrition as much as you would like?

Are you satisfied with the amount of time you are choosing to work out?

Do you have any nutritional goals?

What is one way you hope to make progress physically?

Intellectual:

What books have been most impactful in our lives?

What’s a list of podcasts that benefitted us the most the past 90 days?

Who are people that we surround ourselves with that challenge us to grow, intellectually?

What books do we want to read this quarter?

What podcasts do we want to listen to?

What topic or subject do we want to learn more about?

Social:

How connected are you feeling to community and friends right now?

Have you been a good friend lately?

Who is someone that is life-giving to be around?

Is there anyone you are spending time with that is bringing you down?

If you look back at the past 90 days, who are the people you spent the most time with?

Is that how you wanted to spend your time or are there other people you want to invest in, moving forward?

Here are a couple of our examples of goals in this area: One summer, our social goal was to utilize a pool membership as much as possible and connect with people there. Another quarter, we made a list of families we wanted to host and couples we wanted to connect with. When the weekend rolled around, we intentionally initiated a hang out with people on that list!

House and Home:

Is the current setup of our house working for us and our family?

Are there any changes or updates we want to make?

Is there a list of maintenance projects that we have procrastinated?

How satisfied do we feel with the way we are sharing the housework and tasks that never end?

Have these been a source of conflict?

What is the root issue for this conflict?

What are ways we can work together to appreciate, honor, and help one another in this area?

What are our dreams for our home in the next 1-10 years?

Is the atmosphere in our home the way we want it to be?

What are a few words we want to describe our home?

For Mark and me, a few of our words include Christ-centered, hospitable, inclusive, comfortable, welcoming, and beautiful.

To us, this quarterly meeting is part of the ongoing process of the two becoming one and it is always fruitful! We hope you give this a try and find the same to be true in your marriage as well. If you try it, let us know how it goes!!!

Grateful for you,

Laura

About The Savvy Sauce

Practical chats for intentional living

A faith-based podcast and resources to help you grow closer to Jesus and others. Expect encouragement, surprises, and hope here. Each episode offers lively interviews with fascinating guests such as therapists, authors, non-profit founders, and business leaders.

They share their best practices and savvy tips we can replicate to make our daily life and relationships more enjoyable!