Our Love Story, Part Two
Mark and I were speedy to get our small groups together. I cherish our pictures of group hang outs: bonfires, Georgia Tech football games, dinners out at Atlanta restaurants, sand volleyball games, chats in his living room, and cooking dinners and desserts together. Good, wholesome fun!
My roommate, Val, knew about my desire to fall in love with Jesus first. She had been a Christ-follower longer than I had, so I trusted her insight. She advised me to avoid hanging out one-on-one with guys during this season. I thought that sounded wise, so that was my unspoken rule. It was easy because all of our hangouts seemed to be with large groups. I had no idea Mark had the exact same boundary in his own life.
This was late in 2007 and our church was large, but prioritized community well. In addition to charging us to gather in circles rather than rows (hence, our heavy involvement in small groups), they also hosted a Tuesday night worship service, and gathered smaller groups of young professionals throughout Atlanta together on Sunday nights. This environment was called Fusion and it was led by one male and one female leader, who were each assigned a coach. Mark had been a leader in the past and he asked me to join this ministry as his female leader. I was honored, both that he wanted to lead with me and that God would allow me to serve so early on in my walk with Him.
After a wonderful evening, hosting 50 young professionals off of West Paces Ferry, Mark suggested that he and I both commit to not dating anyone in the group. I completely agreed, which was easy because I was still early on in discovering what it meant to fall in love with Jesus. I think God had a special protection around me, keeping me from desiring to date. He wholeheartedly confessed later that his suggestion was made with ulterior motives, to give him more time to muster up the courage to ask me out!!! You may be picking up on a theme: I was so naive. I even assumed he had interest in someone in our group and he just wanted me to be an accountability partner to make sure he kept his focus on serving the group, rather than dating a girl.
You know our unspoken rule from earlier? Well we both conveniently found reasons to make exceptions with one another. We would talk on the phone when Mark was out-of-state, making sure we were planning for “ministry,” even though the conversations lasted well over an hour, talking and laughing together. I logged miles pacing my living room during these frequent chats. I also massively increased my words per minute in typing because we stayed connected all day through Google Chat (GChat)! When Mark was back in town and we had to pick up supplies at the grocery store for Fusion, we didn’t think twice about driving and shopping together, one-on-one. I had respected him since day one, and I considered him my best guy friend. He even convinced my roommate and me to move into his and Parker’s apartment complex! They had recruited dozens of other churchgoers, so we had our own social community. I just had to walk down the stairs and one apartment building over to be at his front door. This was convenient because it was the hangout spot any night of the week. Without noticing it, Thursday-Sunday evening hangouts became my favorite, because those were the nights Mark was around. I had no idea he was feeling the same way about me at the same time.
Apparently our friends noticed we might be in denial, but they could see us together. We had been teased for a long time with questions about why we weren’t yet dating. We tended to hang out in large groups most weekends and after an evening of multiple remarks recommending we date already, I have a cherished picture of what happened next. Mark got down on one knee and pretended to propose, just to be extra playful and lean into everyone else’s jokes about us.
I knew Mark enjoyed me as a friend, but I definitely did not think he was interested in me. One time I even offered to put in a good word for him with one of my friends who was interested in him (which he quickly declined)! I had no idea he had been engaged in an ongoing conversation with his roommate about when he would work up the nerve to ask me out.
As time went on, some of my girl friends were surprised I was still not interested in dating anyone, so they challenged me, “Would you say yes to a date if anyone asked?” It was an easy response on my end, “Nope. Not interested.” But then they followed up with this question, “What about Mark Dugger?” and I had to pause and truthfully respond, “Well nobody would turn down a date with Mark Dugger!”
Meanwhile, my roommate received an early graduation gift. Her parents gifted her a trip to California with me, provided we could find two guys to join us. Did you have to re-read that sentence? When I share this in person, people always double check that rule to make sure they heard me correctly, “They said you could only go if two guys joined you?!” Even funnier, my parents said the exact same thing! This was about the time the movie Taken had come out (Morel, P. 2008, Twentieth Century Fox.), so I think both our parents felt better knowing their daughters were protected by the company of males. They trusted us, with good reason.
Val and I both selected Mark as the #1 male we wanted to join us on this trip. Even though he was my closest guy friend, I was still intimidated by him. He was spiritual, handsome, intelligent, popular, funny, a leader, an attractive level of confident (secure, but still humble), and everyone enjoyed his company. He was my favorite. Val and I were both nervous to call him and invite him on this trip. It felt like a big ask, so as any mature woman would do, we decided by flipping a coin and the loser had to call Mark to invite him on the trip. I lost the coin toss.
When Mark answered the phone and heard my request for him to join us on this trip, it gave him a little more confidence to ask me out. I was the one inviting him, after all, so he wondered, “what does this mean?” Unbeknownst to me at the time, his roommate threatened to hurt him if he returned home without asking me out already.
The trip was wonderful! One highlight was playing beach volleyball on a gorgeous day in San Diego. The other guy had to fly home first, so it was just Val, Mark, and me left in California. Val was having quiet time on the beach at sunset, so Mark came to join me in the sand. I learned later, Mark despises being sandy! Oh, the sacrifices we make for love :). He led the conversation to relationships and asked me what my thoughts were on that topic. I shared how I had asked God to teach me what it looked like to fall in love with Jesus first, so relationships really weren’t a thing on my mind. I had no idea he was setting up the conversation with intentions to ask me out! He took my response as a closed door, so we just enjoyed friendly conversation and concluded our trip. Mark had no news to report to Parker when he returned and Parker asked, “Well . . . did you ask her?!” Mark tried to save face by responding, “She just has a lot of maturing to do.” (Ha! The nerve!)
After we got home, Mark returned to traveling with his career, and I noticed a new feeling one day: I really missed him. “That’s odd.” I thought, but there was a new little longing to spend more time with him. We have always gotten along so well and I was craving more time with him again, after delighting in our week together.
I also started having strange things stand out during my quiet time with the Lord. I was reading one devotional and it said “Sin is missing the Mark” and the word Mark jumped off the page so much, I chose to underline it.
Another time, after an evening where I was embarrassed that a mutual friend publicly announced he could see Mark and me as a match, I told God I was so embarrassed. I made a note in my Bible as I was replaying the evening and then the first verse I saw had one word that especially stood out:
“Mark my words!” (Galatians 5:2a, NIV)
Shortly after that experience, I was reading Colossians 4:10 and I felt pricked by the Spirit to underline and circle parts of this verse, asking if God was trying to confirm something?
“My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him.)”
I was becoming suspicious this was foreshadowing something yet to come, but I still wasn’t fully convinced.
Yet another time a different verse left me in awe because it was so timely, so personal, and I didn’t remember seeing it before:
2 Timothy 4:11b “Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.”
But like I said, I’m a slow learner.
When he returned that weekend from traveling, I ended up sitting on one of the couches next to him at his apartment, which was odd because we typically ended up on couches across from one another. This particular evening, their apartment was blasting air conditioning, so I used a blanket. Even though I now know Mark can’t stand being hot, he shared the blanket with me and our hands briefly touched as we were arranging it. It was the first time it felt like electricity between us. (Many months later, we discovered we both felt that spark at the same time.)
One day I felt convicted. It dawned on me that in the Bible, Rebecca was “ready and willing” when Isaac wanted to marry her. My intentions not to date were good and healthy in the beginning, but after my internship of counseling multiple married couples who were dealing with affairs, my heart had hardened to marriage, and I certainly was not “ready and willing.” I unexpectedly recalled that conversation on the beach with Mark. (Looking back, I believe it was the Lord bringing this to mind). I was compelled to call him and apologize for our beach conversation when I said I was not open to relationships at this time. After God convicted me, I recognized my need to repent and surrender and be fully open to what He had for me. I felt so much better after that heart change and obedience to God to confess my error to Mark. I still loved this season of life and did not have any desire to date, but something softened and I was ready and willing if God wanted to lead me in that direction.
Mark says after that phone call, he thought, “I’m back in the game!” It gave him confidence to follow through on what was about to happen next.
Shortly after our chat, one Sunday evening in July, I had just flown back to Atlanta after being a bridesmaid at a wedding in Illinois. My first stop was Mark and Parker’s apartment. I got to experience what Mark did on a weekly basis: flying home and opening the door to an apartment full of friends I loved! We baked peanut butter cookies and laughed for hours. It was nearly 2am and I was the last friend to leave. Parker headed back to his room and Mark walked me to the door. As we were saying goodbye, he asked, “Would you like to go out with me sometime?” I. Was. Shocked. (Yes, slow to pick up clues and shocked.)
This is, of course, embarrassing to recall, but instead of responding, I was speechless, then raised my hand! He smiled, “Yes, Laura?” And for the next 30 minutes, I pelted him with questions! I don’t remember all of them, but somewhere within the string of questioning, I included, “How long have you felt this way? I thought you were interested in someone else. Is this from God or from you? What are your intentions for taking me out on a date?” (Remember, I only wanted to date someone I would marry, so this felt like a huge decision. He was also my best guy friend, so if this didn’t work out, the stakes were high and I might lose him as a friend. I enjoyed him so much and was content with the way things were going . . . do you see how much I was spiraling? This was all happening inside my mind in less than five seconds.)
I think it was after that last question that he laughed at himself and said, “Well, I wasn’t prepared to divulge this much information before our first date!” But he kindly answered every question and did indeed reveal he had been considering this for many months! We had only known each other nine months at this time, but for the majority of those months, he had been thinking about and praying about and talking about when to ask me out. I’ve never felt so pursued in my life! It continues to be a tangible picture of the way God pursues us with His love. Other than salvation, Mark Dugger has been the greatest gift in my life.
And this is one reason why this verse always makes me think of Mark:
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17
I’ll pick it up there next time.
Thanks for allowing me to share the beginnings of our love story with you!
Sincerely,
Laura
About The Savvy Sauce
Practical chats for intentional living
A faith-based podcast and resources to help you grow closer to Jesus and others. Expect encouragement, surprises, and hope here. Each episode offers lively interviews with fascinating guests such as therapists, authors, non-profit founders, and business leaders.
They share their best practices and savvy tips we can replicate to make our daily life and relationships more enjoyable!
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