How satisfied are you with your current friendships? How would you describe the type of friend you are longing for? What words would you use to label the type of friend you are?
My mom is one of my best friends and she has unbelievable interpersonal skills. One of her spiritual gifts is mercy and she certainly uses it to glorify the Lord by the way she listens to, cares for, cries with, and celebrates other people.
I have a lot to learn from her!
Through the art of conversation, she instilled many friendship lessons in me while I was growing up. These weren’t things I only learned during the “formative years.” I don’t believe those years are overrated, but maybe the other years are underrated when it comes to a parent’s influence! I am in my mid-thirties and I still appreciate the lessons my parents teach me.
Growing up, I remember chatting with mom at our small kitchen island at all hours while I enjoyed some form of sugary cereal and mom patiently listened. I had no idea how much of a gift that time was or how sacrificial it was for her to set aside her own agenda and enter my world.
I wonder if those chats are one reason we never had a broken relationship during my teenage years?
I can’t remember exactly when mom taught me these lessons, but she mentioned them throughout my life, applied them to my specific circumstances, and she still models this advice today!
My 7-year-old daughter told me earlier today, “Mom, if you are a good friend to others, they invite you to lunch!” This happened to her today, and I think it sums up a greater principle, taught by the best Teacher ever (Jesus), when He said,
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12a NIV).
My mom models this well with practical ways to live this out. I hope to emulate her and pass along these three lessons to our daughters.
I believe these lessons put into action have eternal impact:
- Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15 (ESV)
A very familiar scene for me as a child was being in the back hall at church, as we were some of the only people remaining after service. Every week, mom was one of the last people in the building as she cried with someone sharing a burden one week or genuinely celebrated someone else’s good news on a different week!
It doesn’t cost us anything to get excited for someone else when they share good news. But it does double the joy! I think the Enemy of our souls would like to convince us to have a scarcity mindset and encourage us to compare ourselves or feel like we are missing out if someone else has something great happen to them, but that is just a lie.
Who comes to mind as someone you would want to share your good news with? How would that person receive it? Would you be more willing to share if you knew they wouldn’t be jealous of you, but they would delight with you?
Isn’t that more fun for everyone involved?!
I don’t remember mom teaching this next lesson with her specific words, but she modeled this through her actions, and those speak just as loudly.
- “The person who shuns the bitter moments of friends will be an outsider at their celebrations.” Proverbs 14:10 (MSG)
Mom modeled how celebration is wonderful and it has an important place in friendship, but so does grieving and weeping.
What are some of the hardest circumstances you’ve had to walk through? What did you appreciate most about your friends in that season?
My guess is they tried to lighten your load by spending time with you or offering tangible ways to meet your needs, such as bringing meals or sharing words of encouragement or even sacrificially giving a financial gift.
Even in smaller trials, such as when our family had Covid, God used friends who shared in our bitter moments to teach me many spiritual lessons.
Tables always seem to turn in relationships if we stick around long enough. We may be the giver in one season and more of the receiver in the next. When we are willing to walk through hard or sad or challenging times with a friend, we usually get a front row seat to their celebration at a later date!
And we all long for community and depth in our relationships, right?
Proverbs is one of my favorite books of the Bible because it tells us exactly how we can wisely live. Friendship is an important theme in that book, so this is just one of the lessons that proves true over time. Why not test it for ourselves?
This last lesson is super practical, but it always stuck with me!
- Never write down what you don’t want published on the front page of the newspaper.
This went along with mom’s lesson to NEVER gossip. It was the wisest piece of advice I could heed as a female, navigating through the growing up years, and even so today!
It also taught the rule of kindness. She encouraged me to never say a mean word about anyone, and to never write an unkind word about someone else. I wasn’t perfect at this, but when I was tempted to be unkind, that picture stuck out in my mind: seeing my words on the front page of the newspaper!
Children are so concrete that this was a great word picture to help me grasp the reality of the power of my words.
It was a creative way to teach the importance of kindness and it’s a lesson I’m so grateful she spent time teaching me.
What about you? What lessons did you learn in childhood that stuck with you? What lessons have you applied that led to fruitful friendships in your own life? How are you passing these lessons along to your own children?
I would love for you to share your responses so we can all benefit from your wisdom!
If you are interested in learning more about friendship, don’t miss Drew Hunter speaking about a biblical view of friendship and Kim Wier sharing how to enjoy rich friendship as an adult!
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Grateful for you,
Laura