Mark and I recently hosted a couple from church who we admire. Over cookies and ice cream, conversation floated from marriage to leadership principles. The husband works for a Fortune 50 company and oversees leadership development, so we had many follow-up questions to ask him.
He said the breakdown for how adults learn best is 10% formal teaching, 20% feedback, and 70% experience. We get the most from each of these learning styles when we apply and reflect on the knowledge gained.
Today I am going to give you a little snippet of formal teaching for applying wisdom in marriage. Because we cannot have a face-to-face conversation to process and hear your feedback, I will instead give you a few follow up questions. My hope is for you to process this information with your spouse.
If you want this to really take root, you can implement it in your marriage (experience). You can reflect on what has worked best for you so far and consider how to avoid what is most detrimental to your marriage. And you can apply a lesson you learn from this article.
Here we go . . . What are a few characteristics of wisdom? As I pondered this question, these words came to mind: God-honoring, stewardship, forethought, discernment, and application. Let’s chat about each one as we cover the first three today and the remaining two next week.
God-honoring: A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12b (NIV)
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom so when spouses come together in their relationship with Jesus Christ and with one another, a sturdy cord of three strands is woven together. Couples may experience this as they pray together and pray separately for one another. When each person knows they are ultimately responsible to Christ, they may cultivate their own relationship with Him through solitude, Bible reading, worship, prayer, and fellowship with others.
In our marriage, I consider Mark to be my spiritual leader. I do not get all my growth from him, but he has led me, often without even realizing it!
I learn from Mark by his maturity, the way he treats other people, and his character. He is gentle, encouraging, kind, forgiving, and willing to extend grace.
When we were first dating, we attended a church conference with a group of friends on a beach in Florida. One evening, we found a private spot by the water and confessed sins from our pasts and tried to catch each other up on lots of life that happened before we met each other. We offered each other forgiveness and prayed together. That wasn’t the end of the work . . . that was the beginning. But I remember Mark’s Christ-like response after I tearfully confessed regrets from my past. He cupped my face and kissed my forehead and said “you are forgiven.” I was able to experience God’s gift of grace through the loving actions and words of this godly man. I still cry reflecting on this powerful moment and it leads to a heart of deeper gratitude for both God and Mark. And reactions like that make my husband irresistible to me 😉
I still grow closer to Christ through hearing what the Lord is teaching Mark and it is vulnerable for me to share my lessons with him as well, especially in real-time. We often ask each other “What is the Lord teaching you lately?” This is a question I invite you to inquire of your spouse as well.
Stewardship: Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)
Marriage is a good gift from God and we want to do our part to steward it well. If you’ve never considered before how to steward your marriage well, start by asking each other a few questions: What is unique about the two of us? How might we use that to serve and love and share with others?
For us, we realized Mark and I both enjoy hospitality. We are delighted to work together to make people feel welcome, included, and well nourished through food, drink, and conversation. On the other hand, we have some sweet friends in our small group who use their gift of marriage to serve in an entirely different way. They adore young children so they serve in our church’s nursery and teach in the children’s Sunday School programs. We are so grateful for their contribution and we benefit from one another as we exercise our own God-given gifts in marriage.
Forethought: Five of them were foolish [thoughtless, silly, and careless], and five were wise [far-sighted, practical, and sensible]. Matthew 25:2 (AMP)
What is a savvy way to discover how to take a far-sighted and sensible approach to life? This is where we get super practical: One way to avoid foolishness and pursue wisdom, while hopefully sidestepping regret is through meeting with mentors! This is the fastest way to maximize years of wisdom, but the responsibility of application rests on us.
Is there a couple in the next season of life who seems happily married? Do you know a couple who lives in an admirable way? Could you ask them to join you and your spouse for a meal? Could you email them a few questions? You may want to know what their wise practices are and see if there is anything you can replicate!
I like to start with this question for a mentor couple: In your marriage, what are you thankful you intentionally focused on during our season of life that you see the benefits of now in your season of life?
You could also read books to spend time with wise mentors or listen to podcast episodes. A few of my favorite marriage podcasts include Being Intentional with Marriage, Passion Pursuit, Understanding and Delighting in Our Differences, Healthy Minds, Marriages, and Sex Lives, Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage and Building Lasting Relationships.
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
For marriage books, I highly recommend The 5 Love Languages, For Men Only, and For Women Only.
There is a difference between knowing this information and applying it. For instance, you may have heard about the five love languages and maybe you’ve read the book, but have you ever applied this wisdom to your own marriage? Let’s all attempt to implement one small lesson we learn this week and see if our marriage becomes one degree sweeter.
Next week I will share more about discernment and application of wisdom in marriage, including our own personal wise and foolish list in our own marriage. Make sure you join our email list so you don’t miss out on next week’s article!
May our generous God richly bless you and your relationship as you seek Him for growing one degree more like Christ, and in so doing, enjoy one degree more of the intimate relationship He intended for you to delight in within your marriage. Amen!
Joyfully,
Laura
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
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