How has your winter been? Do you need a refresh? Spring is coming in 19 days! This is a time when we are reminded of this truth, found in both the in Old and New Testament of the Bible:
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19 (ESV)
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5 (ESV)
What is something new God is doing in your life? Was there a new habit you started in 2022? Are you the type of person who sets goals at the beginning of the year? Did you have a bucket list that you solidified on January 1st? Maybe you are like me and LOVE Powersheets from Cultivate What Matters.
Their business is the first place where I learned that our brains do better holding onto things for 90 days rather than 365 days.
Mark and I wanted to use this brain research to our advantage, so here is what it looks like for us: One day per quarter, we have a quarterly meeting to reflect on, reconnect to, and refresh our priorities. I mentioned this in the article, Fun Monthly and Yearly Marital Enrichment Habits, but I want to give you more context today!
If you want to give this a try, this gives you plenty of time to plan, prepare, and prioritize a quarterly meeting of your own for April 1st!
Today I’ll share Scripture that guides us, practical logistics on how we structure our time and agenda, and questions we ask each other. If you want to try this with your spouse, here are a few quick action steps to do before you meet:
First, create a Google document where you can copy and paste what you learn from this article, and what you’d like to talk through.
Second, look at your calendar and ask your spouse for a time and place where you can sync up to meet.
During seasons with newborns, we tried to squeeze this meeting into less than three hours, which wasn’t ideal. Still, it was better than not meeting! During other phases of marriage, we met for six straight hours and it was glorious!
You can schedule whatever works for you in this season. If you don’t have three hours, start with one! Even if you don’t get through the whole document, you can still be encouraged that you came together and sought the Lord’s will for your lives. I think that is a win! Of course, Satan won’t like your intentionality, so you can expect some obstacles (See Ephesians 6:12, but be encouraged with the rest of that chapter and Romans 12:21).
I recommend the Google Doc because Mark and I share one, and it remains fluid as changes occur every quarter. For instance, we recently added a few more foundational verses to get our hearts and minds centered on why we prioritize this important meeting, including:
Proverbs 14:22b (NIV)
“But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.”
Proverbs 27:12 (NIV)
“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”
Psalm 90:12 (NKJV)
“So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Our Quarterly Agenda:
Get food or coffee and join together to pray and review the guiding verses.
Assess the following areas through reflection, take inventory of how these are going in the present, then discuss and document hopes and desires for the future as it relates to each of these categories of life:
Spiritual
Marriage
Family
Rhythms that are working
Professional
Finances
Social
Physical
Intellectual
House/Home
If time is limited, we agree on 1-3 areas that are top of mind for us and simply focus there. When time allows, we cover all these categories. It would be ideal to prepare ahead of time by thinking through these things on our own, but we haven’t added that to our routine yet.
This last step is important: Before the end of each quarterly, we divide action items, add them to our to-do list, and schedule our next meeting time together. This provides clear expectations for who does what and it gives us vision for where to invest our time and energy in the next 90 days. I love how this helps us work together as a couple and it keeps my life focused in an intentional way on the priorities that Mark and I have already agreed matter to us.
Questions we ask:
*You don’t have to cover all of these – we definitely don’t every time! However, these are the types of questions we have asked in various past meetings:
Which topic on this list is going best for you?
Which area is your greatest struggle right now?
Are you dissatisfied with your progress in any of these areas? If so, how, specifically?
What obstacles made your previous vision hard to follow through on?
What are you glad you did in the past 90 days related to each area?
Do you have any goals for these specific areas?
What do you want to see change in this area in the next 90 days?
What obstacles do you anticipate having to overcome, in order to make these changes?
How can we be more intentional in these areas for the next quarter of the year, compared to the previous 90 days?
Which area needs the most focus?
Which area can we celebrate because it is going well? And let’s take that one step further: let’s examine why this is going well: is there anything replicable we can do to ensure this remains positive?
The best part comes in when we get specific in each of these areas. If you want to see the specific questions we ask, or hear examples of what goals we have set in these areas, make sure you join our free email list and we will deliver these questions to your inbox!
To us, this quarterly meeting is part of the ongoing process of the two becoming one and it is always fruitful! We hope you give this a try and find the same to be true in your marriage as well. If you try it, let us know how it goes!!!
Grateful for you,
Laura